More or less hopelessly entrenched in the Apple ecosystem here, but I totally agree with you. The non-stop annoying notifications was one of the main bullet points that I listed when leaving Windows 10 years ago, and now they've finally found me again..
Here's the funny thing about that notifications preference pane: I can tweak the way any kind of notification is displayed, except for updates. There the only options are: update now or pretend to update now.
